Know Thy Self
Living a lie comes out sooner or later.
The day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
Anais Nin
When I read this quote first, I felt something tighten in my heart.
I was still at my corporate job, living in total conflict with my core values, and still denying the reality of the situation. It took a simple phrase to snap me out of my coma and help me see how I had created my own agony: By denying who I am.
And for what? So I could go on being someone else to impress people I don’t care about for reasons that don’t matter? It isn’t worth living a lie and being untrue to who you are, no matter how crazy, how eccentric, how uncommon, how different you may be.
You are who you are. The earlier in life you accept this and get on with it, the easier and sweeter you shall live out your days.
Let’s start embracing it instead of hiding it under the covers.
As for me, when the lie became so blatantly obvious, I accepted who I am, quit my cushy job, started my online business, created my dream lifestyle and have never looked back.
A secret I didn’t even know: You won’t miss the lie you are living, because living true to yourself is the real paradise.
This kickstarted the beginning of a self-discovery journey that I share with you here: How to get to know yourself and how to have the courage to live life as exactly who you were meant to be, being true to your core values, and coming to peace with it all.
You can be different from the rest of the world and still be fabulous — in fact, you’re fabulous because of it, not despite it.
Different means good. So if you are different, you, my dear, are good.
The idea is to understand what makes you different, and as you do that, you get to know yourself better.
It’s perfectly fine to explore what your heart wants. It’s completely alright to tune out the rest of the world so you can build a connection with your soul. It’s remarkably uncommon, but it’s fine and it’s alright, so do it. You won’t regret getting to know the person who lives inside yuo.
The most beautiful thing you will ever witness in your life is when you begin to unfold into the person you were meant to be from your very beginning.
It’s not about your favorite color or school subject. We’re talking big stuff.
Knowing yourself is beyond figuring out your favorite color or your favorite subject in school or your favorite music album. We are no longer in high school — thank heavens – where being “yourself” meant mimicking everyone else, acting stupid in the collective and defying rules, and feeling insecure all day long while doing it!
Knowing yourself is the process of understanding you – the human being – on deeper levels than the surface. It is an unpredictable road that you must bewilling to explore. It brings you face-to-face with your deep self-doubts and insecurities. It makes you take a serious look at the way you are living your life and put it to question.
The whole thing can suck for a little while but then it gets better, and like anything else, a little hard work at the start pays dividends in abundance for the rest of your life.
Knowing yourself means respecting your values in life, your beliefs, your personality, your priorities, your moods, your habits, your magnificent body, and your relationships.
Knowing yourself means understanding your strengths and weaknesses, your passions and fears, your desires and dreams. It means being aware of your eccentricities and idiosyncrasies, your likes and dislikes, and your tolerances and limitations.
Knowing yourself means knowing your purpose in life. Or coming really darn close to finding it out!
You’re not born knowing yourself. Get over it.
You do not get to know yourself simply by growing up and growing old. Knowing yourself is a conscious effort; you do it with intention and purpose.
Not knowing yourself becomes obvious sooner or later. A quiet frustration lives in your heart when you do not know yourself. You may choose to live with it and ignore it – or you may choose to start getting to know yourself.
How to Get to Know Yourself in 5 Fool-Proof Steps:
1. Get to Know Your Personality
Understanding your own personality is the first key. You have the collective opinion of others which is one aspect.
You also have your own database of information about what your personality is really like, and who you are in your private moments as well as in your public ones.
The idea is to get to know your personality inside out, to know what you are and what you are not like. Understand what makes you react a certain way in life’s myriad of situations. Ask yourself “Why did I do that?” and answer it.
Who are you behind your name? What are your characteristic traits? Who are you among friends? What about strangers? What persona do you portray to the outside world?
What are you really like on a good day as well as a bad day, in face of a challenge or a great reward? How do you react to the world around you?
2. Get to Know Your Core Values
Your core values are the morale codes and the principles you hold near and dear to your heart. When I work with my clients, one of the first things I ask prior to our coaching sessions is a list of their top eight core values.
You probably have more than eight values, but the top eight play the big roles in decision-making, influencing, persuading, conflict-resolution, communication, and living your day-to-day life.
In your work, in your home, in all aspects of your life, which values can you never compromise? Those are your core values.
Is it honesty, integrity, security or flexibility? Is it dedication to others, wisdom and learning, financial comfort or fun? Do you value loyalty above excellence, responsibility above ambition, or innovation above improvement?
3. Get to Know Your Body
Youth is such foolishness. In my 20s, I used to think I know my body. I was but a child. The more I learn about my body, the more mysterious it becomes and the more I push my body, the more it surprises and delights and amazes me. Yours can too.
How well do you know your body, your breathing, your abilities, your limits of balance and flexibility?
Have you ever said “my body can’t do this” and that “my body type won’t do that” without even trying a physical challenge? Before you close the door to wonderful possibilities, take another look. Take the time to become truly intimate with the loveliest temple on earth, your own body.
4. Get to Know your Dreams
Your dreams and hopes create the pathway into your future. They help you build the life you can be proud of living.
Your dreams matter. Your dreams are important. Your dreams are worth going after. Don’t believe anything less.
And start getting to know your dreams well. Get to know the details and the specifics.
If you want to become a musician, ask yourself: What instrument do you want to play? What level of proficiency do you want to learn? How big a part of your life would it be? And on and on until you know everything about your dream.
Make your dreams part of your daily pursuits. Take them seriously. Work at them. Glorify them instead of hiding them and being ashamed of them.
5. Get to Know your Likes and Dislikes
What do you like and just as important, what do you dislike? Simple, innocent question but knowing this about yourself gives you a lot of confidence into who you are. A lot of people go through life liking what’s popular and disliking what’s not “cool”. Don’t do that.
Take the time to define your likes and dislikes, and don’t put it up for a vote among family and friends. You decide.
Defining your own likes and especially dislikes takes guts. It maybe impolite to dislike attending yet another baby shower or spending 3 hours with extended relatives, but look at the alternative. If you keep doing frustrates you and neglect what brings you joy, you give up part of who you are. It’s the least likely path to any happiness whatsoever.
Stay true to your likes and dislikes. Nobody has to like them but you!
Getting to know yourself allows you to tap into the well of happiness beyond your imagination. Bliss even on cloudy days.
